I’m suffering. I’m rubbish. I’m a failure. I can’t do it.
I didn’t think I should write about this on a weight loss surgery blog as it doesn’t entirely have relevance. Especially as I signed out almost two months ago saying I wouldn’t be writing any more. Ah, but how the slow winter nights of insomnia have a way of thrusting the urge to splurge upon one’s frame. Read more…
I recently received some distressing news that has meant that I will be bringing this blog to a close for the foreseeable future. The news from my doctor was sudden and very sharp. Read more…
Today’s exciting instalment does not revolve around me. In fact, it’s not exciting either. And indeed, I wrote it yesterday. So it’s not actually today’s…let’s move on.
Of late, I have had several people contact me from the gastric band communes across the globe commenting about our shared experiences. One good thing about this procedure is that it is encourages people to seek out fellow bandibulars to discuss what we are going through or are likely to go through and in doing so, encourages virtual friendships – which is a decent first step to real-life friendships I suppose. Read more…
Well, didn’t I get a shock yesterday!
My first venture into on-screen acting arrived in a neatly packaged DVD. Regular readers may well remember that I discussed the filming of this back in a post in February, “Killing With Kindness“. Seeing myself on screen five stone heavier was a bit of an eye-opener. Read more…
I figured the time was nigh to write a overview and summary on my thoughts so far on this whole gastric band thing. In doing so, I will try to avoid my usual rapier wit and innuendo to get my message across! Read more…
For those few and far between people who actually read this blog, you may have noticed I am slowing down on my initial spurt and outpouring of psychological literary sticking plasters. This is not because I am getting bored with the process of scribing my thoughts down or that I am filling my time with more fulfilling activities. It is simply because I seem to be getting used to this whole new world of eating to live and not living to eat. The “new experiences” are now relatively few and far between. I don’t want to re-cover old ground and I don’t intend to write much about that which bears no relevance on my new lap band lifestyle. That said, I love the new album by The Leisure Society! Read more…
I’ve gone and done it. I have become a hugely annoying member of the Reformed Church of Eating. And, I’m really aggravated with myself for becoming so.
One of my primal vexations in life is the irksome need some people have to spread the word on their own beliefs and religions. Don’t get me wrong – if you believe in a god on high or a holy mushroom that sits at the bottom of your garden, I am fine with that and wish you well in your quest for finding a meaning to life – but please, for the love of Fungi, don’t push it on other people just so you can strengthen your own faith in something you can’t really be too sure about in the first place if you need company on your march to enlightenment. Read more…
It is with much regret that I announce that I have been a very bad boy.
Over the last 8 or so days I have, what is commonly known here in the UK, been on a bender. That is not to say that I urinated on someone of a less than heterosexual persuasion, but I have overdone it on the booze. Every day I have frequented my old stomping ground, Froggies, and have drank myself to a stupor. The itch of needing to drink heavily came back with a vengeance and I scratched that itch very hard indeed. I now feel very bad and in need of a good hard slap. Read more…
Having been in this game for only about 2 months now, I feel somewhat reticent to write on the subject of slimming down – but having dropped over 50lbs in eight weeks, I am perhaps able to see the results more clearly than had I lost weight more slowly. A large drop in a small timescale has left my memories of Billy Bunterdom less hazy than most. For all those sending me cyber-daggers as they read about the initial success, please relax in the knowledge that my primary sprint has turned into a deatlhy crawl and that you have plenty of time to catch up. Remember the tale of The Tortoise & the Hare…? Read more…
I am writing this article based on a suggestion by my dear friend and confidant, James Lucas. Or, as I affectionately know him, Jumbo Jim. He’s not a fat man. Just, like most people, slightly overweight. Now, thinking about it, I’m not entirely sure what exactly I am referring to when I proclaim his Jumbo-ness. Perhaps I should stop. Jimmy it will be from here on. Read more…
When I first learned that my initial band adjustment was going to be four weeks after a whale’s wake of hunger that had kicked in, I was a little disturbed. I was in fact terrified that the substantial weight that I had kicked off over the previous weeks would come flooding back with a vengeance and all would be lost (or indeed gained). Then, that fear was replaced with a certain feeling that a challenge had been set – a challenge for me to have one more attempt to combat and defeat the beast that had been haunting me all my life. A chance for me to stare the dragon that is my hunger directly in eyes as I plunged my sword of resistance and self-control into its black heart and watch it crash to the ground. I envisaged my heroic pose as I stood on the reptilian carcass and decapitated it for all villagers to see. Read more…
“I can resist anything except temptation.” A typically wonderful quote from Oscar Wilde. A quote that rang trough my head yesterday as I succumbed to the lessening powers of The Band over Mothering Sunday lunch. Read more…
Stepping on the scales a few days ago to realise that I had cast aside the title of “morbidly obese” was almost as thrilling at when I first discovered Sicilian lemon pudding. Almost. Read more…
This is one blog article I started to write before I went into hospital. I decided to postpone it until afterwards, because I didn’t want my final cyber-words to be ones of negativity if things did go wrong. The surgery was a success and now I feel able to voice my thoughts on the subject that has been very much a part of my life since I can remember. Belly bashers! Read more…
Following a very strict liver-reduction diet and five days of post-operative mush, I am a quarter of the way to my ideal weight. At this rate, I will be at my target of 14 stone (196 lbs or 89kgs) in about two months. Now, obviously I am not stupid enough to think that this is a) possible or b) entirely healthy. But it makes me determined that this thing is going to work. Read more…
So, here I am a day after surgery. Guess what! I made it through in tact. With a few scars, a little less hair and a lot of learning to do. Read more…
Well, the time has come for me to right my final blog as an unaided dieter. I will hopefully be signing back in soon after the operation at the weekend to update the few and far between people that read this that I made it through to the other side (well, not that other side…this side of that side!). Read more…
Before I lose the ability to eat fourteen rhino ribs and a bath full of potatoes in one sitting, I figured it was probably the best time to do what I do and analyze myself once more and explore one of my most confusing behaviours. To find out why eating so much makes me so damn happy, whilst knowing that the result of eating so much makes me so utterly miserable. Read more…
From the outset of my decision for surgery has been the nagging fear that everyone has, especially when they commit themselves lay bare-chested in front of a man (or woman) with a big scalpel who would rather be on the golf course with Cecil Snr and Farquah the Third. The nagging fear is of course…”am I going to die?”! Read more…
Being woken at 3am to the sound and feel of my daughter throwing up into my excessive chest hair started my day in a less than pleasurable way. Read more…
Whilst sitting in the “green room” waiting to be called on set (actually, the name was quite apt as we were sat in a stuffy snooker room in the back of an old gentleman’s club…baize green everywhere!) I had another moment of diving into people’s psyche concerning us fatties (for those of a sensitive nature, scrub that and read “bariatrically challenged” or “those of a less than slender approach”). Read more…
Whilst laying awake last night, I started to do a bit of self-analysis (keep those gutter minds out of the sewers please!) and examine my psyche a little bit. It’s amazing how overworked my mind becomes when I go to bed (“hit the sack” for all you States-side peeps out there). Read more…
Hello to all visitors; casual and accidental browsers or well-directed people with interest.
As my first post, I thought I should explain who I am, why I am blogging and what you should expect to see here. Read more…
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